self-love
The term "self-love” is a bit of a buzzword and trendy right now, and in many ways that’s a real blessing. It’s important that we start to recognize the importance of connecting within and cultivating the love that exists within us. There are so many great products, companies and organizations that are supporting this movement, so if you want to take the plunge, you won’t have to look very far to delve deep. You have everything from jade rollers, to yoga classes, to luxury body oils, to bath salts… the list is endless.
BUT… I don’t want this trending movement to overshadow what self-love really is all about; you’re not going to find real self-love in a salted bath, or by dry brushing or body oiling (although all amazing self-care rituals). Cultivating that deep self-love, is a practice that doesn’t need external things. It’s about turning inward and discovering what has been there all along. To have healthy, happy relationships with others, you must love yourself first. If you want to have a successful and happy life, you must love yourself first. You’re not going to find that love in another person; you’re going to find that love within.
The truth is, it is your divine right to love yourself and be loved. And the truth is, you came from love before you came into this life, and once you tap back into that love that’s ALWAYS been there, you wonder why you never accepted it before.
Where to Start
So how do you start awakening that love within yourself that has always been there? Start by reflecting on the thoughts you think, the words you speak and the actions you take on a daily basis. Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, and your actions become your habits. So pay close attention! The good new is, you have the power to change should you choose.
Change Your Thoughts
Our thoughts are so powerful, and oftentimes we’re not even aware of the thoughts we’re having. Pay attention to your thoughts. If you become what you think, and you don’t like what you’re seeing, then it’s time to change the way you think. It’s time to re-write an old narrative where someone told you you weren’t good enough, or an event made you believe that you weren’t worthy of love. If an outside source (ie a person or circumstance) has made you believe that you are unworthy, unlovable, or incapable of love, it’s time to let that old paradigm die. And that’s all it is- it’s a paradigm- a wound that turned into a believe that is not serving you, and never will serve you to live your best life.
When you look in the mirror, or you have the most private moments with yourself, what do you think? Really reflect on that and consider it. Grab a notebook and pen or your Notes app on your phone, and write down- honestly- the private thoughts you have about yourself. If you have jotted down anything less than positive about yourself, it’s time to stop those thoughts in their tracks, and change the narrative. (If you tend to get stuck in negative thought patterns, I wrote a whole blog post on flipping the narrative of negative thoughts you can find here).
When I used to read tarot, I had a lot of clients that would come up against negative thought patterns that would hold them back. I used to teach them this little exercise that can be really powerful when applied regularly. The next time you catch yourself having a self-deprecating thought, stop the thought and flip it to a positive. So for example, “I’m so wounded that I’ll never have a healthy relationship”. First of all, be aware of the thought and stop it before it continues any further. Then flip that thought to a positive: “I am love; I came from love, and I am worthy to receive massive love on all levels”. Start now. This will start to rewire your brain and lift your energy.
Change Your Words
Changing our words can sometimes be easier than changing our thoughts, so this may be a good starting point for you. Reflect on the words you use to describe yourself. Do you talk about yourself in a kind and loving way? Do you use self-deprecating humor? Are you mean to yourself? The words you speak are like an affirmation to yourself and the Universe. If you speak words that are unkind to yourself, stop it! And if you slip, you have to correct yourself- just like the exercise we did above- flip your words to a positive.
Use your words to declare to the world, to the Universe, to God what you want! What do you want to receive? What kind of energy do you want to attract? Your words are incantations and invocations to create the kind of life you want to live! If you want deep love for yourself, it’s time to start speaking up about it. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say, “Good morning, beautiful. You are amazing. I love you.” Try it.
Change Your Actions
This is a big one, and can be a really hard one. To fully accept the love within yourself, you have to stop any behavior that is unhealthy to your body, mind or spirit. If there is something you are consistently doing and you know it’s bad for you- stop it. That means you may need to find help or a support group- that might be a step in the right direction.
You cannot fully love yourself and smoke cigarettes. You cannot fully love yourself and continue with self-destructive and self-sabotaging patterns. You cannot fully love yourself and binge night after night on refined sugar. I’m not saying these things to pass judgement or be holier-than-thou (trust me, I’m a work in progress). But I’m being honest. You know when something is bad for you- whether it be something we’re putting into our body or mind, or energy we’re giving out that is unhealthy, and it’s time to put those habits to rest.
Listen to your gut; if you have a pattern of doing something and your gut is telling you to stop, it’s time to listen up. Listen to your intuition, pay attention to your emotions; they will never lead you astray. And take action to change your actions. I want you to live your best life. This lifetime is short- do not squander it.
This is where you can implement some of these lovely self-care rituals like taking a luxurious bath, dry brushing, body oiling, going to be early, etc. These actions are loving declarations to yourself. Drink lots of water, keep your room clean, keep your clothes folded, keep your skin moisturized. Commit to love, commit to change, and these actions will help.
a heart-centered meditation
Meditation is my favourite way to get in touch with the heart, and with that innate, divine love that has always been inside you. By stripping away all the material stuff, the mind chatter and the ego-narrative, you can get in touch with the core of your being and start to experience the power of Love.
Here’s a quick guide to inspire you into a heart-centered meditation:
Sit or lie down with your eyes closed, and consciously connect with your breath. Let your inhales and exhales slow down and even out- so every inhale is the same length as your exhale.
Once you feel like the rhythms of your body have slowed down, start to bring your awareness from your mind down to your heart. With every inhale, imagine that you are breathing directly into your heart, and with every exhale, imagine breathing directly out from your heart. Into your heart, out from your heart.
Now add in that final piece where you feel infinite love for yourself. As you continue to breathe in and out from the heart, feel that magnificent love radiate through your entire being, into every single cell. And there you will find yourself. Stay here as long as you like. It will feel great!
Come into this meditation anytime throughout the day if you need it. It is so powerful and so simple.
You, my dear, are more wonderful, more powerful, and limitless than you know. You you don’t need to find love like it’s somewhere outside you- it’s right there within you, and has always been there. All you have to do is tune in and accept it and receive it. You are perfect. You are divine. You are love. Remember that.